Friday, October 14, 2005


back when

Gregory--First Love

The night I visited SB, I called Gregory, my First Love (FL). Gregory, was likely the only man I've ever loved. But as would be my luck, he cheated on me with his ex and chose to be with her. My world crashed around me. I was depressed and all the way DONE!! It's been four years since we were together. We've gone through a lot--him getting drunk, seeing me out and claiming his undying love, calling me at odd hours just wanting to see me, a whole bunch of crazy stuff. Right now though, our interactions are easing into a new phase. I'm not sure what phase it is. Let me explain...
He's still occasionally calling me late at night. But now he's less drunk. I call him and ask him for minor favors. He always does them!! I guess he thinks he owes me. One time he left me in his house all day and was mad when I decided to leave. He said if I haven't sought revenge by now, I won't! Little does he know!!! I already did but I'm not comfortable enough with you people to tell you what I did.

The Last Call
Last time he called me at 3:55am! He tried to get me to come over or let him come over. I refused. But for 45 minutes, he begged. He admitted to being lonely and tired of coming home at least 6 days a week and being alone. Tired, and beat down by pity, I agreed to allow him over. He gets to my house, BIG TITS DVD in hand. It was like 4:15am. He put it in--the DVD, (your mind is filth-flarn-filth) He layed on my couch, me on the loveseat wondering "WTF?" Ten minutes later, he's sleep. I got up and went to bed.

Story Within A Story: I had a dream. I drempt I was preparing to go to a funeral. I went to the mall and got a perfect sexy, but remorseful, black dress. I went to the funural. In the next scene, I was nealing in front of him as he was crying. His sister and brother were there. I think I may have seen his dad too.

The Last Call (con't)
The next morning, I awake to him standing in my bedroom door. He comes in, takes a seat on my Pilates ball. (I use it as a chair for my dressing table, not for Pilates) He takes a book from my bed-side and thumbs through it. I ask how things are going. BAM! His mother has breast cancer and so does his aunt--her sister. His mom was diagnosed with emphazema (sp?) the second week of February and breast cancer about ten days ago. I was with him right around the time of the cancer diagnosed. That was when he tried to get me to stay at his house all day! But I was too self-absorbed to notice something was wrong.

So now what? I had the dream and now he tells me his mom's sick. In the dream, I didn't see her. I saw the others but not her. I didn't tell him about the dream. But since then, I've been trying to keep in frequent touch with him. I feel so bad for him. I don't know if I still love him--so don't ask me! But I know I just feel sick about his mommy and aunt. I feel like I should be closer to him right now but I dont' know how. Any suggestions? I might call him and see if he wants to do something tonight. I promised I'd call him back Wednesday night but didn't.

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